Dealing With Death
by Kayxxx
Summary: The 11th of January 2015 is approaching. A year since Ethan Hardy joined Holby City ED. Which means it is also a year since the passing of his beloved mother, how with Ethan deal with his mother's death a year on?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! I'm finally back, I've been really busy recently but thanks to the Easter holidays I've got some free time on my hands. I've had this story written since December/January time but had no time to publish it until now. I've got other stories planned that I hope to publish soon but until then, here's "Dealing With Death" hope you enjoy, please leave your thoughts I always enjoy reading them Kayxxx :)**

**Chapter One**

"Ethan wake up" he could hear a voice distantly call followed by a few bangs "Ethan for God sake it's freezing out here!" He opened his eyes to find he'd fallen asleep on the couch..something he never did. He scanned the room and to his surprise he found empty cans of alcohol scattered across the messy floor. "Ethan!" The voice called again, reminding him of the reason why he was awoken in the first place. He fixed his glasses on his face and wondered to the window, where the shouting was coming from. "Cal?" Ethan called in surprise. "Just open the door!" Cal replied, causing Ethan to spin and head instantly for the front door. "What's going on?" Ethan mumbled as Cal brushed passed him. Cal ran straight to the living room and pulled a blanket over him. "God did you have a party or drink all this by yourself?" Cal laughed looking at the empty cans knowing both scenarios would be unlikely. "What's going on?" Ethan demanded ignoring his brother. "I lost my key, I told you to stay up so you could let me in, remember?" Cal explained. Suddenly it all came back to Ethan. "Seriously Eth did you drink the whole crate? That was meant for me and Max when the match is on this Saturday" he sighed. "Yeah I um, fancied a drink, I'll buy you a new crate before then" he explained, he still seemed out of it.

This wasn't like Ethan at all, he didn't like drinking. He never just "fancied a drink" something was up and Cal could see it. "You're still drunk" Cal stated seeing Ethan leaning on the wall, allowing it to take his weight. "I'm not" Ethan protested, his speech was slurred slightly when he spoke, which didn't help his argument in the slightest. Cal looked at him knowingly, "what's up with you? You never drink" he continued not allowing this to slip. "Why does there have to be something up? Have you ever stopped to wonder maybe I just wanted a drink? You go out drinking constantly and I don't question you, I don't see how this is any different." Ethan snapped. "It's completely different." Cal replied sternly. "Well then-" Ethan stopped himself suddenly, a look of realisation grew across his face as he felt bile filling up in his mouth. He turned and darted up the stairs, collapsing to his knees before the toilet just in time for him to vomit into.

He lifted his head out of the toilet and slumped back against the bath. He turned to see Cal standing in the doorway holding a glass of water, "I've been here many times, glass of water, two paracetamols and sleep, that's the only cure" he laughed as he handed the glass and two tablets to his brother. "You can barely handle one pint never mind one entire crate Ethan, what's gotten into you?" Cal asked sincerely as he knelt down beside his brother. Ethan looked up at him sheepishly "tomorrow's mum's anniversary, I, I, was having a drink on her I suppose..." he explained hesitantly as he took a sip out of the water swallowing the tablets as he did so. Cal took a seat next to Ethan and sighed "A whole year ay? That's gone fast" he leaned his head back against the bath. Ethan stayed quiet, he held his head down and kept his eyes fixed on the ground. "What are you thinking?" Cal nudged Ethan seeing he was deep in thought. "I'm focusing on trying to keep these tablets down or they'll have no effect what so ever" Ethan joked with a hint of seriousness. Cal smiled sympathetically as he listened to his brother poorly trying to cover up the fact he was hurting. "I'm thinking about how it doesn't feel like she's gone, it's never really felt like she's gone. I know it sounds stupid but I always imagined her showing up one day and it was all just one big joke, though I realise now it would be a pretty sick joke to pull-" He stopped himself as he felt his stomach heave and he retched once again into the toilet. He kept his head leaning over the toilet bowl as he took some deep breaths, his body felt weak. "I just wish I got a chance to say goodbye to her you know? I suppose the fact I never said goodbye is why it doesn't feel real" He admitted with a hiccup. Cal looked at his younger brother unaware of what to do, they'd never really gotten into this deep of a conversation before. "How much of this conversation do you think you'll remember tomorrow?" Cal asked "what conversation?" Ethan joked. "Haha, well in that case I suppose I can tell you anything then...Ethan I'm so happy I got to know you again, God knows where I'd be without you, you're always there for me" Cal spoke, he cringed at himself after hearing how cheesy what he said sounded. He looked at Ethan and saw the paleness to his face, he could also see that he was struggling to stay awake, he looked awful. "And so I'm going to be the responsible one for once and be there for you right now and get you to bed" Cal helped Ethan to his feet and slowly walked him to his bedroom. "Mum loved you Caleb, she always admired how you got on with your life and travelled, she thought I was an utter failure for staying in the same place all this time, but I just couldn't leave her to be alone..." Ethan stated as Cal placed him on his bed, he lay back and allowed his head to sink into his pillow. "No no, that's not true Ethan-" Cal started but soon stopped again as he'd noticed Ethan had fallen asleep just seconds after his head hit the pillow. Cal sighed as he looked at his unconscious brother knowing tomorrow was not going to be any easier, he never knew how Ethan felt until tonight, it made him see a side to him that he'd never seen before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter I really appreciate them! For those asking, this story will be a few chapters long but it will not be as long as "Ethan's Safety Net" which overall ended about 26 chapters long, if I remember correctly. I'm happy so many of you are enjoying this story so far, it feels good to be back :) Please leave your thoughts on Chapter two of "Dealing With Death"**

Chapter Two

"Doctor Hardy! You've been working here for a whole year today, we'll have to go out and celebrate" Robyn announced to Ethan and the rest of her colleagues who were too stood at the nursing station. Ethan stood looking down at notes he had on a patient, looking to others as though he was reading intently but only he knew his mind was elsewhere. He was completely oblivious to the fact Robyn had been trying to engage him in conversation. "Ethan?" Robyn called causing him to snap out of his thoughts. "Umm, sorry what?" He looked up suddenly "God that patient must be interesting you've been reading those notes for over half an hour now!" Rita laughed. "Yes, I just want to make sure I don't miss anything" Ethan explained looking back down at his notes. "Ethan Hardy, the perfectionist, miss something?! Never!" Max joked leaning over the counter. Ethan forced out a smile, shaking his head slightly. "We were just saying how it's your anniversary, you've been here a year today!" Robyn explained. Ethan slowly raised his head looking up to meet Robyn's gaze, but he seemed to look right through her. He seemed distant, deep in thought, as though there were something playing on his mind that he just couldn't shove. "A year today." Ethan mumbled quietly to himself before picking up his patient's notes and heading to cubicles.

"What's gotten into him?" Max asked as he watched the doctor slowly disappear down the corridors of the hospital. "Maybe he's thinking of leaving? Maybe it feels like a year too long..." Lofty suggested. "I thought he enjoyed it here?" Robyn asked confused. "Me too" Rita agreed. "Maybe he's just getting bored, there has been many times I've felt that way but I can't really afford to give my job up" Lofty explained. "I wonder how Connie will take it, he's one of the best doctors the ED has!" Rita spoke shocked. "Do I feel my ears burning?" Cal's voice called from behind the group who were huddled round having a mothers meeting. "We were actually talking about your brother" Rita corrected him with a smirk. "Ah" Cal replied looking down. "Is everything okay with Ethan?" Rita asked lowering her voice. Cal hesitated for a moment before replying "yeah everything's fine" he reassured her and headed for the staff room. "Is it just me or does he seem a bit off today too?" Robyn whispered.

"This is Betty, she's 81, she's been mugged, she was KO'd at the scene, she has suffered a blow to the front of her head, there's a deep laceration. She's very confused and fragile." Dixie explained to Ethan as they wheeled her stretcher into a room. Ethan looked at her in dread "okay" he sighed forcing out a slight smile. "Hello Betty, I'm-" Ethan was cut off from introducing himself "Peter!" Betty looked at Ethan with admiration in her eyes. "Oh my son!" Betty continued. Her words made his heart ache. Ethan looked toward Dixie confused before throwing a concerned glance in Betty's direction. "Erm, no, sorry, my name is Ethan Hardy, I'm going to be the doctor treating you today Betty" Ethan explained with a sympathetic smile. "Like I said, very confused" Dixie whispered into Ethan's ear as she left the room, leaving him alone with his patient.

"Okay" Ethan smiled awkwardly, "let's take a look at your head first" Ethan hovered over Betty, examining. He brought his face close to hers so that he could get a better look at the wound that was just above her left eyebrow. "Oh Peter I've missed you" Betty took Ethan's hand in hers. Ethan sighed sadly "Betty I'm not-" he was cut off yet again. "I still keep your picture with me look" Betty pulled out an old worn out and battered picture of a young man, about Ethan's age. Ethan examined the picture, it then hit in this man wore glasses just like his. Maybe this was the similarity Betty was making between him and her son? Ethan stepped away from Betty's bed, so that he was out of sight of her, he pulled off his glasses and placed them in the pocket of his scrubs before stepping forward yet again. "Oh doctor, where's Peter gone? Where's my son?" Betty asked confused. Ethan smiled sadly, the thought of the fact he only had to remove his glasses for him to look like a completely different person to her saddened him, she was in a bad way. He made a promise to himself that he would do everything he could for her and more, he didn't want to see an elderly patient die, today of all days.

"Betty your wound on your head is going to need stitches okay?" Ethan explained trying to change the topic. "Doctor don't waste your time, you should go and treat a young person who's got their whole life ahead of them, don't waste your time on an oldy like me" Betty protested. "Don't be silly, it would be a pleasure to treat you" Ethan smiled as he dabbed away the blood from her head. It wasn't until he picked up the tweezers to remove the glass from her wound that he noticed his hands were shaking uncontrollably. "You okay mate?" Lofty asked as he too had noticed Ethan's shakings, "yes I'm fine." Ethan replied sternly giving Lofty a sideways glance. He took a deep breath and moved the tweezers toward Betty's wound, he attempted to steady his hand by holding onto his wrist with his other hand. Just as he was about to make contact with Betty's head he looked into her eyes. This could go terribly wrong, the last thing Betty needed is to be in more pain. He put down the tweezers and stormed out the room.

He placed his head in his hands as he sat at the nursing station. "Ugh the second burst colostomy bag I've had today, anyone want to take this one by any chance?" Robyn announced catching Ethan's attention. "Are you offering to swap patients?" Ethan asked standing to his feet. "Yes" Robyn replied with a smirk knowing what she was offering was a joke, who would swap for a burst colostomy bag? "I'll swap with you" Ethan smiled. "What really?!" Robyn's face lit up. "Yes" Ethan took the patient's notes from her hand. "Wait, what do you have, surely it must be worse?" Robyn asked wondering if she's being stitched up. "No no, I've got Betty she's 81, she's been mugged and needs stitching up, she also has Alzheimer's, she's such a lovely woman" Ethan explained. All Ethan's colleagues looked at him blankly. "And you'd want to swap that for a burst colostomy bag because...?" Robyn asked confused. "Do you want me to change my mind?" Ethan snapped. "no no, that's fine! Betty's mine!" Robyn laughed and hurried into the room Betty was in.

Ethan looked down at the notes he held in his hand to see the words before him were blurred, he held the notes further away from his face hoping his eyes would focus, they didn't. He rubbed his eyes hoping that may have some benefit, he was wrong, this didn't help at all. Seeing Ethan's struggle Dylan spoke out "Maybe it would help if you had your glasses on" he suggested. Ethan looked up to find Dylan looking at him, hands on hips. "Yes that, that might help" Ethan forced out a smile and placed his glasses on his face awkwardly. He turned to see Cal looking at him knowingly, he stood and began to make his way over to him, Ethan spun on his heels and turned off in the opposite direction. The last thing he wanted to do right now was talk to his brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next chapter, sorry for the lateness of this update, but better late than never right? haha, thanks for the reviews on the last chapter they're really appreciated. I had a comment asking to change the way my I set out my story to make it easier to read and so I have done, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this change, whether you like it better this way or back how it used to be. Anyways that's all I have to say here, here's chapter three hope you enjoy, Please leave your thoughts, Kayxxx :)**

Chapter Three

After treating the patient with the burst colostomy bag, Ethan then moved on to treat his next patients. A young girl with a broken arm, then a teenager with suspected appendicitis, a man who had fallen down some stairs and had many injuries and a woman who had been suffering from chest pains. With all these patients with all varied conditions there was one person who played on his mind...Betty. It was time for his break, he sat in the staff room nursing a hot cup of tea, his mind filled with thoughts of Betty, and of course, his mother.

"Ethan?" Rita called placing her hand on his back causing him to snap out of his thoughts.

"Yes?" He replied looking up.

"Your patient, Betty? She keeps asking to see-"  
Ethan cut her off knowingly "Peter?",

"yes.." Rita replied confused. "...She doesn't have long left by the looks of things" she whispered, this was exactly what he didn't want to hear. He jumped to attention.

"Well, I'll, I'll, look through her notes, find a next of kin, maybe, maybe her son might be there, he should be here to...to say goodbye, he has to be here, for her" he replied frantically and turned for the nursing station. Rita watched him warily.

He looked up Betty's notes to his surprise finding a number to her next of kin, her son Peter. With a sigh of relief Ethan dialled the number excitedly. A woman answered.  
"Hello my name is Ethan Hardy, I'm a doctor at Holby City Hospital, I was wondering if it's possible to speak to Peter?" He spoke politely.  
"I'm afraid not" the woman spoke hesitantly.  
"Oh okay, um, may I ask why not?" Ethan replied confused.  
"Because he's dead, he died 17 years ago, I'm his ex-wife" the woman explained.  
"Oh right, I'm awfully sorry to hear about that" Ethan sighed looking over at Betty's room, he truly was sorry to hear about it.  
"Why are you calling?" The woman asked confused.  
"It's Peter's mother" Ethan replied. "Betty?" She spoke with a gasp, "Is everything okay?" The woman asked sounding more and more concerned, "is she going to be okay?" She asked in worry. Ethan stayed silent unknowing how to answer "hello?" The woman called down the phone.  
"I'm sorry I really can't discuss her condition, patient confidentiality." Ethan replied with a sigh and slammed the phone down hard. He placed his head in his hands, he felt as though he'd let Betty down, this was the least he could do for her. Betty was alone in the world, she had no one. The thought of that ached Ethan's heart.

"Any luck?" Rita smiled.  
"He's dead. He died 17 years ago." He sighed.  
"Oh, right...that's a shame" Rita replied looking back into Betty's room. "It must be horrible being alone and knowing you're going to die. With the only person you had in the world can't be there for you, it must be heartbreaking" Rita spoke, Ethan swallowed hard.  
"Um, excuse me I have to-" Ethan hurried down the corridor leaving a confused Rita behind.

Ethan burst through the toilet door, he shut it behind him before he slumped back, allowing the door to take his weight. He stood there for a moment as he had tears building in his eyes. He slowly made his way over the the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks were flushed, he had dark shadows under his eyes. He looked tired and worn out. He was a mess. There was a light knock at the door "Ethan?" Cal called through the closed door. Ethan quickly took off his glasses and splashed his face with water as Cal entered, trying to hide the fact he was currently an emotional wreck. "Everything okay?" Cal spoke as he made his way over to his younger brother.  
"Yeah I just, I felt like I was going to be sick, I think the effects from last night are finally kicking in" he lied keeping his head down.  
Cal looked at him knowingly but went a long with it, "Yeah you do look a bit flushed" Cal lifted Ethan's chin with his finger getting a proper look at his face but Ethan quickly moved his head away and held it back down to it's original position.  
"Why don't you take today off?" Cal suggested.  
"What? Why?" Ethan snapped. "Because you're sick..?" Cal replied. "Oh yeah, no it will pass I'll be fine" Ethan shook his head and turned to look at himself once more in the mirror, taking deep breaths.

"She reminds me of her too you know" Cal spoke breaking the silence. He waited for a reply but Ethan didn't flinch, he kept his eyes forward looking in the mirror.  
"Who?" Ethan whispered eventually. He was only whispering because he was trying to hold back his cry that was once again going to make an appearance.  
"Your patient. She reminds me of mum" Cal explained talking to Ethan's reflection. Ethan squeezed his eyes tight swallowing hard. Cal placed his hand on Ethan's shoulder and began "Eth..today is going to be hard-" he was cut off  
"Cal no. I need to get back to work" Ethan shoved Cal's hand off and hurried out the door. Cal sighed heavily and chased after him.

"Ethan!" He called after his brother who quickly disappeared down the hospital corridor.  
"Everything okay?" Zoe asked eye brows raised as she'd encountered the brother's scene.  
"Everything's fine" Cal snapped as he shoved something back into the pocket of his scrubs.  
"Brotherly bickering?" Zoe looked toward him knowingly.  
"No, actually." He replied sternly with a snarl before he too disappeared down the corridor.  
"What's gotten into him today? Everything obviously isn't fine" Zoe asked as Charlie passed her.  
"Far from it by the looks of things, Ethan's been even worse but they're both doing a good job at keeping their personal issues out of work which usually isn't easy for Cal." Charlie stated. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks again for the reviews on my last chapter! As I said, this story was written back in December/January and so there are some things that have changed since then in the series however they still feature in my story. This chapter is quite long, I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think about this chapter it's always appreciated thanks, Kayxxx :)**

Chapter Four

The rush of the ED had died down by now and most of the doctors and nurses sat around the nursing station waiting for something, anything, to stimulate them. Cal sat with Lofty and Max but was keeping a watchful eye over Ethan who sat opposite him talking to Honey. He seemed happy enough. Cal had noticed recently how Honey was always the one to put a smile on his younger brother's face, this was something Cal thought impossible today but Honey worked her magic well.

"Well this is boring" Max announced.

"Very" Lofty agreed.

"What do you think about getting wasted tonight boys?" Max proposed.

"Sounds like a plan to me" Lofty smiled.

"Cal?" Max asked confused. Cal's attention had now been shifted completely over to Ethan having seen Rita approach him.

"Ethan, can I ask a huge favour?" Rita asked sheepishly.

"Of course" Ethan smiled.

"Well, I was wondering how you would feel about giving a dying woman a reason to smile?" Rita asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" Ethan asked confused. Cal stood slowly and edged closer, listening in to the conversation.

"Well, it's Betty. She doesn't have long left at all and all she keeps talking about is her son, she wants to see him one last time, to say goodbye. I was wondering if you'd go in there and talk to her, as Peter?" Rita explained. Ethan looked toward the floor as he felt his heart sink.

"He's not doing that." Cal butted in.

"I believe I was talking to your brother." Rita replied sternly.

"I don't care who you were talking to he isn't doing that, it's too much to ask of someone Rita, it's a lot of pressure, he's a doctor for God sake not a-" Cal was cut off.

"I'll do it" Ethan spoke confidently standing to his feet.

"Really?!" Rita and Cal spoke simultaneously, both in complete different tones of voice. Ethan nodded and headed for Betty's room.

"Are you sure you're okay to do this?" Cal whispered as he grabbed Ethan's arm stopping him in his tracks.

"Yes." Ethan replied, his voice shaking slightly.

"Oh Peter you're back!" Betty's old and withered face lit up as Ethan entered the room. Ethan smiled sadly and took a seat on the edge of Betty's bed. She looked as though she'd aged ten years since Ethan last saw her. Rita stood to the side of Betty's bed, everyone else watched from outside, Cal stood by the door looking in defensively. Betty took Ethan's hand in hers and spoke, "I still remember you as a little boy, _my_ little boy, the apple of my eye!" Ethan looked down sadly at her hand intertwined with his, Betty's eyes filled with tears. "I never stopped loving you, there has never been a second that went by that my heart didn't beat anything but love for you. It won't be long before my heart does stop beating, that's no secret I'm best friends with the grim reaper you see, but I will always continue to love you my boy." She took a tighter grip on Ethan's hand "You're the reason I held on for this long, you kept me going, I knew I would see you again, I've always longed for this moment" She looked deep into his eyes, that were now filling with tears as he listened to the woman talk so highly of her son. He began to forget everything as his mind was flooded with the memories he had left of him and his mother. "You've always been there for me and looked out for me, I couldn't have asked for anyone greater in my life" Betty's voice had now morphed into the voice of his mother's in his head, the woman whose hand he held so tightly was not his patient's, but his mother's. "My handsome boy, I've never told you before but I'm so _so_ proud of you. I'm so proud to call you my son." This was something Ethan had always longed to hear from his mother. Betty smiled and gently laid her old withered hand on Ethan's tear stained cheek catching some tears as they fell.  
"Mum?" Ethan whimpered as his tears uncontrollably poured from his eyes, making their way down his cheeks and into his open lips that were quivering, some dripped from his wobbling chin. "You're proud of me?" Ethan continued to speak through his cry, his heart was aching. "Of course I am" she replied kissing his hand. Ethan smiled painfully as the tears still poured from his eyes, this was all he'd ever wished to hear from his mother, that he'd done her proud.

Rita slowly made her way to the door "I told you he shouldn't have done this" Cal spoke concerned "it's our mum's anniversary today, that's why he's been acting off all day. He didn't cry when she passed, I don't think it's really hit in until today, he doesn't handle grief well" He sighed. As the beep of Betty's heart rate slowed she opened her mouth to speak once more "I love you Peter" she whispered as the beep remained long and constant. The mention of Peter's name made Ethan snap back to reality, this wasn't his mother. His mother had passed away exactly a year ago today and today's events made it evident to him the fact he was still grieving hard.

His job was done. Ethan slowly raised to his feet and turned for the door, still with slight tears trickling down his cheeks. The tears in his eyes made the world around him a huge blur but he knew as he left the room, the man who embraced him with a hug was his older brother Cal. "It's okay" Cal whispered as he held him tight, Ethan crumbled into him. His cry turned into a sob, his body felt weak, he felt as though his heart had completely broken. "She's gone, Mum...she, she's really gone" Ethan whimpered, his voice muffled by Cal's body. "I know Eth, I know" Cal replied as he buried face into his brother's blonde hair, his eyes too were filled with tears. Cal's grey scrubs were stained by the tears of his brother. "Ethan" Cal whispered as he pulled away from his broken brother holding him in front of him, a hand on each shoulder, Cal bent down slightly so he was eye level with him even though his eyes were still pouring with tears. "Ethan mum was so proud of you I promise you. When I went to see her before she passed all she did was lecture me about how I should be more like you Eth, she loved you so much, can't you see that? She was so proud of you okay?" Cal spoke "okay?" He spoke again shaking Ethan slightly trying to break through to him, he nodded slowly "okay" he whispered squeezing his eyes tight. He took a deep shaky breath. Although these words didn't come from his mother's mouth they were good enough, it felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Cal pulled his brother in for another hug as all their colleagues stood watching, he didn't care that all eyes were on him, all he cared about was being there to comfort his brother. Cal led Ethan to the staff room as he slowly pulled himself together more and more.

The room was silent. Cal sat at the counter looking at Ethan and Ethan sat on the couch staring blankly ahead. "Hello" Honey whispered as she walked into the staff room holding a cup. She was the only one who had enough courage to go in there after seeing Ethan's emotional outburst. She took a seat on the couch right beside Ethan and took his hand in hers. He was still staring blankly ahead of him, it was as though he hadn't even noticed she was there. "I've made you one of my specialties" Honey smiled, holding out the cup in front of her "it's got honey in" she added with a wink causing a slight smile to grow on Ethan's face. Adding honey to drinks had now became an inside joke between the pair after the "find the honey" moment. "Thanks" Ethan took the cup from her hands and took a sip. "I never knew my mum, she died when I was two, I lived with my granny growing up, every time I'd miss my mum my granny would always make me this tea and it would always make me feel better. I added in the Honey though, I knew you'd appreciate it" she smiled. Ethan didn't know how to reply he just stayed quiet. "I know it's hard to believe but I promise you it will get easier Ethan, I'm here for you" she placed her hand on Ethan's back "and you too Cal" she smiled looking toward Cal who was still sat at the counter. "Thank you Honey" he smiled sadly, looking at his brother protectively.

"Ethan you up for drinks mate? We're going to get wasted tonight!" Max announced as he, Lofty and Robyn made their way into the staff room.

"Not today, thanks" Ethan spoke as he stood up, he placed his cup down on the counter.

"You should come" Cal urged.

"No I'm going to walk home, it'll give me a chance to clear my head" Ethan replied making his way to the door.

"I'll come too" Cal stood to his feet.

"No Cal, go to the pub I'll be fine I promise" Ethan protested.

"Are you sure?" Cal asked concerned

"Yes I'd rather be alone" Ethan replied as he buttoned up his coat.

"I might just come and stay like five steps behind so you are technically alone, just to annoy you" Cal teased.

"Oh God please don't" Ethan laughed as he walked out of the staff room.

"I'll check he's okay" Honey smiled and followed Ethan out, Cal smiled at her thankfully.

"Right! Let's go get pissed!" Cal announced to which everyone replied to with a cheer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks again for the reviews on the last chapter. Sorry I didn't update yesterday but here it is now, hopefully it was worth the wait haha. I'm glad so many of you are enjoying, please let me know what you think on this chapter, I always love hearing what you all think :)**

Chapter Five

After leaving his colleagues in the staff room, receiving a few sympathetic glances on the way out and reassuring Honey he was fine, he was finally alone. He stood outside the ED and looked up to find the sky was black, there were no stars present, only dark and gloomy clouds starring angrily down at him. A few light rain drops splattered onto his face and glasses, within seconds the rain wasn't so light, it hit down has angry as the clouds that were crowded above. He scrunched up his shoulders and made his way through the hospital car park. He was the only one around, everyone else had hurried to take cover from the storm but for some reason, the storm didn't seem to bother him, it actually matched how he felt inside which he thought was quite ironic.

He walked for a good 15 minutes, his head filled with many thoughts, he hadn't even noticed his feet had taken him to the gate of a graveyard. He had told his brother that he was going home, which he would do eventually, but he didn't mention he was going to make a stop off on the way. He sighed deeply and made his way through the gate and walked a path he knew too well. There were thousands of graves dotted around but he could point out his mother's in seconds, he could make his way there blindfolded. It was a place he'd always go when he needed to clear his head, a place he felt most comfortable. He took a seat on a bench that had been placed at the foot of her grave for her visitors, well, for Ethan. He was the only one who ever visited, much like when she was alive. The rain continued to pour down, his blonde hair looked as though it was plastered to his head his clothes too looked to the same affect. He stared ahead of him at the words written on her grave which he knew off by heart "Beloved Mother, gone but forever in our hearts, never to be forgotten." He sighed deeply, with this a tear slowly rolled down his cheek, which was completely unnoticeable in the rain that battered down on him. "Mum.." He whispered swallowing hard, "it's been a year, I'm not going to lie it's felt like hell. Everyday I spent pretending I was okay but-" he stopped to steady himself before continuing. "-I wasn't" more tears trickled down his face which he wiped away with the back of his hand, even though the rain continued to pour. "I miss you" he admitted. There was a clap of thunder that caused him to jump slightly, it was just then he realised how ridiculous he was being, he was currently sitting in a graveyard at nearly twelve O clock at night, in the middle of a storm, crying his heart out. "It hasn't all been bad though mum" he continued, "I've gotten closer to Caleb out of it. Closer than I could ever imagine getting to him, he's actually been acting like a big brother...it only took him nearly thirty years" he spoke sarcastically with a slight smile, knowing his mother would have found the funny side to that remark.

He sat there alone for overall an hour, just staring ahead of him blankly. The sound of a car door shutting behind him brought him slightly out of his thoughts but not enough to turn to see who it was. There were footsteps that seemed to get louder and closer each step, before someone spoke.

"How did I know I'd find you here?" Cal looked down at his younger brother knowingly, Ethan slowly looked up to his brother and then back to his mother's grave. "I didn't even go home because I knew you wouldn't be there, I knew you would've come straight here" Cal stated sitting down beside him.

"It's a wonder you even knew where it was" Ethan mumbled in reply.

"Hey, I come here more often than you think you know!" Cal spoke in his defence, nudging his brother playfully. Ethan just ignored him.

"Eth you're freezing" Cal spoke seeing Ethan sat shivering uncontrollably, he himself hadn't even realised how cold he was. Cal took off his coat and placed it over his brother's shoulders in attempt to warm him. "Come on, let's get you home and get a hot cup of tea down you" he suggested to the younger man with a smile. He didn't budge.

"I want to stay here" Ethan spoke through his shiver.

"If you stay here you'll catch your death" Cal replied. He turned his brother's face with his finger so he could get a better look at him, he was shocked to find his lips were turning blue "seriously Ethan, we need to get you warm" he spoke concerned.

"I want to be with mum" Ethan argued again.

Cal reached into the pocket of his coat that was still placed around his brother and he pulled out an old, withered envelope. "Look, I was going to give you this at some point today but you kept disappearing every time I wanted to talk to you and so I never got the chance." Cal explained as he handed the envelope to his brother. Ethan looked at him confused and took the envelope in his numb shivering hands. He opened it to find a picture that he hadn't seen for years, it was a picture of him, his brother Caleb and their mother when he was only five. A smile spread across his face as he turned the picture around to find his mother's handwriting

"To my beautiful boys, although you sometimes bicker and your world may seem upside down, he'll always be your brother and you'll always make me proud, lots of love always, Mother x"

"Thank you" Ethan whispered as he ran his fingers across the indent the pen had made with the paper.

"I was getting dressed for work today and it just randomly fell from my wardrobe, it was a sign" Cal whispered as he placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "She's right Ethan, I'll always be your brother and as cheesy as it may sound, I love you" he spoke hesitantly.

"Don't be getting all soppy on me now Caleb" Ethan spoke sarcastically. The use of sarcasm made Cal see that he'd gotten his brother back to normal.

The car ride home was always a long one but tonight it seemed even longer. It was silent. The heater was on full blast in attempt to warm them back up as they'd both been sitting out in the rain like two fools. Cal was driving whilst Ethan sat in the passenger seat. Cal looked over to his younger brother only being able to see his face as the shine of street lights outside flashed onto him, putting shadows of the rain that was tickling down the window on his face as the car drove, matching the same place on his face that had been tear stained at numerous times during the day. He'd fallen asleep with Cal's coat placed over him like a blanket. Even though he was asleep and still looked completely worn out, he had a slight smile on his face. Cal examined him and found him holding something tightly in his grasp, the envelope. He smiled down at the younger man, they were going to be fine.

**I think here is a good point to end this story, hopefully you all agree. If not I'd love to hear any ideas anyone may have to continue because I have enjoyed being back. Thanks for all the support during this story, I've enjoyed writing for you all as always, please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks again, Kayxxx :) x**


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